something other than human
by rupzydaisy
Summary: Sherlock acts inhuman, doesn't eat, doesn't sleep, doesn't feel. But how did he end up like that? How Sherlock ended up as something other than human...


_So, the idea of this came up in a conversation when I reviewed someone's fic; that Sherlock didn't want to be seen as human...in the show he doesn't really eat or sleep...'they slow him down', but here's another possibility that the self proclaimed sociopath may/may not admit! :D This could be seen as AU, but more like the history? :D _

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Something Other Than Human

"_Because that's what is means to be human."_ Mycroft had told him at the funeral. If the equal torture of both the numbness and the pain was the true definition of being human, then he didn't want humanity. Standing there as the coffin was lowered into the ground, Sherlock felt as though he was drowning. So he held his breath until his lungs burned with a different kind of pain. He slowly exhaled after what felt like forever and he realised that he didn't need air.

And then afterwards when the pain was replaced with a sort of numbness that wouldn't budge, he began experimenting with certain drugs. Which ones would help him forget, no matter how long for, which ones would give him a high that meant that the coffin and the person inside never happened. After a little while he found his favourite. And after that, Sherlock didn't need any one else.

When the insults and remarks were thrown at him, '_freak', 'psychopath', 'utter nutter'_, as he ducked under the blue and white police tape of another crime scene, he just took them in his stride. The insults looked like water rolling off a duck's back, but in reality they were more than that. They were the ultimate evidence, the results that he had been searching for. Proof that he had become what he wanted and that that kind of pain would never torment him again. Not even come close to touch him.

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Of course, that all came crashing down after the knocks on his flat door. Just three short sharp raps and then he had dragged himself of the sofa in one swift movement to answer it while hoping that then the catalogue distributer, charity worker or landlord demanding rent might be chased away by his dishelved appearance.

He wrenched the door open with a well worn icy glare. Then he couldn't hear anything, only stared. The glare faded and was replaced by the expression '_you look like you've seen a ghost'._ She smiled widely at him, red glossy lipstick. Warm skin, breath misting up in the air before her, and thick black eyelashes that blinked as they stared back at him. So very alive, while he felt cold and numb. Like he was dead.

How the roles were reversed, if it were any other day and he any other man, Sherlock might have laughed at the irony. Instead he stared at the red lipstick smile and the silver ring on her finger and the shock melted away, replaced by the calm, calculated numbness he had grown so accustomed to.

"Don't come back here Irene." He told her before stretching his left arm out and swung the door shut on her and her smirk. Because he knew what she wanted and the answer that she expected. She had wanted to resume their game again, but she hadn't expected a closed door. That in itself had been a little childish victory. Now Sherlock wanted to forget her. The wasted time spent thinking about her. The brief moments that he had wasted mourning her. He reached for the only thing which would allow him that.

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And then Mycroft was there to bring him back. Called up from the sidelines and out of the smoky shadows. Every time his brother was too close to the limit, sailing to the flat edge of the world, threatening to throw himself off in a childish tantrum, Mycroft would be there to pull him back.

No matter how much Sherlock insulted him, told him to '_piss off'_. Any other countless remarks, sarcastic ones about his weight or the more hurtful ones. Whether he was unconscious or kicking and hissing like an angry cat. It didn't matter, he was there to pick up the pieces and to patch his brother up so that Sherlock was ready to take on tricky puzzles and unsolvable crimes once more.

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_Review ! :D _


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